The Walmart Greeter

So I landed my new job as a Walmart greeter (a good way to pass some time and get a few bucks for retirees like me).

My job lasted less than a day.

You probably want to know the story. Everyone does.

Well, about two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, “Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”

The ugly woman stopped yelling, and stopped in her tracks.

“Hell no, they ain’t twins,” she said in the same loud voice, glaring at me. “The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7!”

“Oh,” I said.

“Why the hell would you think they’re twins?” she continued, still using such a loud voice that all the other customers were also stopping and turning to look at us standing there at the entrance. “Are you blind, or just stewpid?”

“I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am,” I replied — loud enough for everyone to hear, but calmly and in the politest of tones. “I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Walmart.”

She just stood there dumb-struck, but all the other customers — every last one of them smiling and giggling, immediately turned and continued on their ways.

But my supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.

Posted May 25, 2016

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